I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Alive.
So much puke
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
