you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
