I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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