i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
