I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
