Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
