I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
