i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
