and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
