Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
