honey bunches of taint.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
