I wish you could order shots online.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
