Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
