Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
