I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
