I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
