jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
