I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
