don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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