and she was petting her beer can
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
