and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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