just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
