at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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