wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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