This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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