margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
