So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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