moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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