He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't notice because vodka
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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