I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
