Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
