I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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