i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
