How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
