I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
