dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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