East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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