it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
