Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
