I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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