he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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