I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
