I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
