Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
