apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
