My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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