So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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