U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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