Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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