I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
