it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
