omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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