i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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