and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
