distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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