I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
