Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
