I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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