WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
