kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
