i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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