Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
