i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
