you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
