some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
