I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
