just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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