WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
