hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
