i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
