Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
porn star boner night. come get it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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