If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
