Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Welp...herpes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
