i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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