Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
