Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
