I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
