I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
