you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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