I want to stick my p in your. b.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
