I bet he comes in French.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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