I'm gonna have a badass scar
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
