Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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