my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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