Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize