just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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