How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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