I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
