I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
