god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
