I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
