When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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