Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We are all done wearing pants today
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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