Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
