you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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