If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize