Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
