just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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