drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
