some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
