We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
