Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
