So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
false alarm. still invincible.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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