My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize