somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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