Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
