I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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