the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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