Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
