Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
