Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
