Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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