DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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