Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i came on her dog
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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