I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
