Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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