I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
